Learning to conceive (original by Birgit Zart)
I know, dear ones, it seems so unfair, so cruel, that some women appear to fall pregnant just like that, but others don’t.
I would like to venture into a description of, from our direct connection here individually, the desire for a child, from my point of view.
Out of this there might be one or the other thought in it for us.
In school it’s like that,
some are good at maths and art,
others at biology and sports,
some never learn French, they struggle, don’t understand the vowels as easily as others might, possibly their pronunciation is horrible.
Maybe somebody was like me, I was quite good, always had As or Bs in maths, but I failed at the integral calculus, was dazed and didn’t get a thing anymore.
All around me people seemed to understand integrals and differentials without problems.
They went for a swim at the lake in the afternoons and had As.
I didn’t go for a swim. I studied all the derivations again and again, I couldn’t deal with it and screwed up all the exams.
Because of maths I nearly failed my high-school diploma.
Not because of my son sitting on my lap.
Not because of the teacher, everybody else got it beautifully.
No, simply because of maths. ;-)
Oh, how difficult that was!
To realize, that the powerhouse Biggi couldn’t do something, something, that the whole world seemed to be able to do, just NOT ME!
Then it happens, as it happens when you really, really want something, you start thinking that is HAS to be complicated, to get it HAS to be hard, and HAS to be exhausting.
I worked through the maths-book again.
I went to maths-tutorials.
And the confusion got bad and worse.
Because I drifted away from myself and the way I absorbed things, that is: just like that!
As luck would have it, one day I met a friend who was a mathematician and I told him: “I hate maths!!!!”
He said ‘Sure, all, that don’t get maths hate it. I understand maths and I love it.’
After a short conversation he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. Drew a few simple curves on it. And said: ‘This curve is a derivation of that line. That’s how it always is. And it is always as simple as that.’
I was puzzled.
How often had I lost myself in endless rows of numbers and rules! How often had I made numerous mistakes and when I tried to fix them, added some more for good measure!
And then there is this guy and he draws me a line and a curve!
I was speechless, but also fascinated.
In the evening, when Dafti was already sleeping, I took all the maths tasks I could find and tried to reduce all of them down to the line and curve principle. To start with just approximately, without even looking at the numbers.
So what can I tell you: it worked!
Within the shortest possible time I understood all my attempts, understood the important aspects and even managed to correct my own mistakes without any effort.
When I realized my own blind spot, I had a right laugh, left my husband and child at home, met my girlfriend at the pub and got blindingly drunk. Totally hung-over I wrote my maths-test the next day - a B! And even managed to change my predicted F into a pass grade.
What I think what's the MOST important you won’t guess.
Sure, one can do one thing, the other something different.
Some can’t do maths immediately,
others won’t fall pregnant immediately.
The basic idea for me is: I understood something over a long process.
And when my son reached the sixth form, you can imagine what I did:
I pushed aside his long columns of numbers, got a marker pen, drew him a line and a curve and told him the tale of the derivation.
So he would understand maths IMMEDIATELY.
So what’s my point?
From veterinarian medicine we know, that artificially inseminated animals, when they are adults, won’t reproduce. So they get artificially inseminated all over.
After some time, they don’t know anymore, how to procreate and therefore can’t hand the knowledge on to their children. They can’t go and get a marker pen and explain maths to their kids.
So, how wonderful could it be, when we women hit the road to find our own path to fertility. As we are not doing it just for ourselves, but also for our children and their children.
No person can know everything.
Especially not everything equally well.
Or as fast as others.
Someone has to study a matter longer, another something else.
And it isn’t always the case, that just because we really, really want to know how to do something, we have to work especially hard or fast to get it.
Sometimes it is just a little knot that still has to be undone.
For me there is no difference between studying maths and the desire for a child. Because what we are all doing here, in one way or the other, is:
Patiently undoing this or that little knot.
It is easiest when you have calmness within yourself, composure and patience.
Sometimes a puzzle like that can turn into fun, namely when there is calmness already. Then it really relaxes you.
I wish you a lot of joy and patience and send beautiful morning greetings.
Translation by Andrea23